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Fighting the Old Programming from Abuse

Today I am fighting with the old programming or beliefs about myself. There is this unease. I tend to feel like I am not doing life right, not doing whatever task correctly. It’s a prickly feeling and I armor my back muscles like I’m bracing for an attack. It creates feeling like not being confident … More

Sitting with a Good Feeling

This week it has come to my attention that I have really come a long way in my healing since 2019. In 2019 I was about 5 years into healing full time and working to better my life. I was having several panic attacks a week, nightmares, flashbacks and a whole lot of other awful … More

I’m Depressed. Now what? (free writing)

I don’t like being lonely but I prefer it over being mistreated and disrespected. I survived so much. I will trust myself. In this choice I protected myself because I am important to myself. I don’t deserve to be in pain. I made it stop.

What I like About Myself

For most of my life I have hated myself. I can remember not hating myself, when the world had more color, before I was abused. Everything changed then including how I felt about myself. Through the abuse I was told and taught many incorrect things about myself. I mean really, how could anyone know what … More

Coping with Anger

The 1st thing is recognizing that I’m angry. Ok, I am REALLY angry. The reason for my anger is my heartache over being abused in the 1st place, and there is a long list that unfolds from there. Current events are also disheartening. I’m an trying my best to not be depressed and just lay … More

Establishing Boundaries Feels like SHIT

Yes, I said it. Establishing boundaries can feel really bad at 1st. I currently feel multiple things about my recent purging of toxic people in my life. Again. I am beginning to accept that this will be a constant in my life and there won’t be a day when I am not susceptible to toxic … More

My Soul is Tired

I want to do the happy things and enjoy my life. I want to get outside and meet new people. Maybe make some new friends here in NY. I want to go and do all the things but I also feel stuck at home. I’m tired of trying so hard all the time. I’m just … More

Coping with Triggering News

Coping in Advance If you know you are going to be watching the news and it may be triggering for you you can prepare in advance. I like to do this for all sorts of situations like when I am going somewhere new. Show up a few minutes early and get situated with your snack … More

What You Need to Heal

It turns out that no one is coming to save you but you. In order to help yourself you will needs lot of things to help you on your healing journey. There are tons of resources, treatments, medications, ect out there and you really have to just find what works best for you. Below is what I have found that helps me so far.

Writing and Sharing My Story

I have been doing a lot of writing even though this blog has not been getting regular updates. I have notebooks I write in but I’ve been free writing on twitter and letting it fly. It’s been liberating and I feel more free than ever. I don’t keep the abuser’s secrets anymore. It’s  more clear … More

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