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My Soul is Tired

I want to do the happy things and enjoy my life. I want to get outside and meet new people. Maybe make some new friends here in NY. I want to go and do all the things but I also feel stuck at home. I’m tired of trying so hard all the time. I’m just … More

Coping with Triggering News

Coping in Advance If you know you are going to be watching the news and it may be triggering for you you can prepare in advance. I like to do this for all sorts of situations like when I am going somewhere new. Show up a few minutes early and get situated with your snack … More

What You Need to Heal

It turns out that no one is coming to save you but you. In order to help yourself you will needs lot of things to help you on your healing journey. There are tons of resources, treatments, medications, ect out there and you really have to just find what works best for you. Below is what I have found that helps me so far.

Writing and Sharing My Story

I have been doing a lot of writing even though this blog has not been getting regular updates. I have notebooks I write in but I’ve been free writing on twitter and letting it fly. It’s been liberating and I feel more free than ever. I don’t keep the abuser’s secrets anymore. It’s  more clear … More

PTSD and the Pandemic

Whew, what a year, huh? I keep trying to write but there is so much and I don’t have the right words. What are the right words for pain and trauma? Do they exist? I try on twitter to write about my feelings and it just seems to fall short of how I really feel. … More

What Happens at the 1st Psychiatrist Appointment?

For many that are afraid to get help(myself included) I wondered what it was like at the 1st psychiatrist appointment. Anxiety and the stigma kept me away from going for many years. I have recently went for the 1st time again in about 2 years. The 1st time was in Las Vegas to psychiatric nurse … More

My Healing Accomplishments

Whew! It’s been about a year since I last updated my blog. I had to take a much needed break. I also couldn’t concentrate for shit. My PTSD had gotten to a point that I needed to get help again. I was feeling suicidal and my brain was all out of sorts with flashbacks, insomnia, … More

Trained Victim

I found this piece that I wrote back in 2009. This was before I had a blog or really told anyone that I was abused outside of my close friends and family. I was having a difficult time. Writing has always helped to get my feelings out when I would allow myself. This writing is … More

The Mistake

I’ve been The Nothing lately. There have been brief periods of flashbacks and memories. Mostly, I’m blank or angry(memories of the alters bleeding through?) with my ANP(apparently normal part)/Host??? working away doing things to care for myself. I lost touch with my other selves or the traumatic amnesia is back. It’s very confusing. There is … More

It’s Ok TO Be Angry That Someone Abused You

It’s ok to be angry that someone abused you. I know society likes to tell us all sorts of weird things about angry, forgiveness, about being weak for being angry, ect. I wrote this on twitter but I wanted to share it here too. I’ll be sharing more rants and things like this. I’ll probably … More

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