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Fighting the Old Programming from Abuse

Today I am fighting with the old programming or beliefs about myself. There is this unease. I tend to feel like I am not doing life right, not doing whatever task correctly. It’s a prickly feeling and I armor my back muscles like I’m bracing for an attack. It creates feeling like not being confident … More

Sitting with a Good Feeling

This week it has come to my attention that I have really come a long way in my healing since 2019. In 2019 I was about 5 years into healing full time and working to better my life. I was having several panic attacks a week, nightmares, flashbacks and a whole lot of other awful … More

I’m Depressed. Now what? (free writing)

I don’t like being lonely but I prefer it over being mistreated and disrespected. I survived so much. I will trust myself. In this choice I protected myself because I am important to myself. I don’t deserve to be in pain. I made it stop.

What I like About Myself

For most of my life I have hated myself. I can remember not hating myself, when the world had more color, before I was abused. Everything changed then including how I felt about myself. Through the abuse I was told and taught many incorrect things about myself. I mean really, how could anyone know what … More

Coping with Anger

The 1st thing is recognizing that I’m angry. Ok, I am REALLY angry. The reason for my anger is my heartache over being abused in the 1st place, and there is a long list that unfolds from there. Current events are also disheartening. I’m an trying my best to not be depressed and just lay … More

Establishing Boundaries Feels like SHIT

Yes, I said it. Establishing boundaries can feel really bad at 1st. I currently feel multiple things about my recent purging of toxic people in my life. Again. I am beginning to accept that this will be a constant in my life and there won’t be a day when I am not susceptible to toxic … More

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