The idea of trying to have a low stress lifestyle in 2016 seems a bit silly now with everything that has happened. I’d name them all but I’d rather not think about all that right now. It might send me back into that silence again. I made myself a promise the other day and I’m keeping it. The promise was to stop being silent. My silence was an attempt at more peace. The result was even more hate mail and bullshit than before. The death threats from idiot men deciding I owed them my time started back up. So out of the healing cocoon I come but instead of being healed I’m on fire! You can see some of what I’m talking about on facebook but twitter is where I really let it all hangout…for about 4 days.
My Promise:
I won’t be silent anymore. Silence is death. Silence enables abusers and continues the cycle. It protects the abusive ones(FUCK THAT SHIT)! This doesn’t mean I have to respond either but I don’t need to hold back or internalize it. Gotta just blow up when I need too. Express my pain, frustration, sadness, and joy. I’m not interested in protecting others from my pain anymore. Here it is. I know it hurts. This is me HEALING OUT LOUD. I won’t let anyone or anything(EVEN ME) silence me ever again.
Now is the time to boldly exist. Stop trying to blend in and not be noticed. If they come for you, so be it. Make it a good death! It is ok to fall apart and reform again. Do it a million times. I’m going to be loud for me. I’m going to be loud for everyone that is still silent. I speak only for me but let my loud mouth encourage others to find their strength and their voice. Be loud about love, hate, and everything in between.
Also in 2017:
-Take no shit
-Say no
-Be silly
-Keep healing
-Create
-Be weirder
-Be grateful
-Offer compassion
-Be a handful
-Live
I’m sorry that I was so quiet. I apologize to myself and to you out there that follow along if you were worried. I promise not to do that again. It really didn’t serve anyone. I feel like it was a mistake but one I learned from. I forgive myself and move forward from here, continuing to heal. I’m not able to be very consistent but I’m trying hard to get there. I hope you will come along with me on my healing journey. It will be easier if I don’t go it alone and I could really use your help. Thank you for reading and being here for me. Many things have saved my life continually and your support is definitely one of them.
If you are receiving death threats online know that it is illegal. You can contact your local authorities as well as the FBI. Federal crime (18 U.S. Code § 2261A – Stalking) (fbi.gov/contact-us). Document everything!
Abuse Survivor Blog 
Good for your loud mouth. Glad you’re not alone, and that you know you have support.
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Hate mail and death threats?! This saddens and angers me to read that! Why are some people just so damn nasty ?. Maybe it’s because they can hide behind a keyboard, maybe they just don’t like to see someone bettering themselves, maybe they are the insecure ones and being nasty and hurtful makes them feel better about themselves. Healing is hard enough without having to be subject to that, please don’t let it knock you back Sarah.
I think you hit the nail on the head saying that silence enables abusers, that is so true! But don’t feel that you have to apologise to yourself or others for being silent, maybe that was part of the healing process you had to go through. Internalising things and keeping quiet for a while has now given you the fight to start expressing emotions.
And don’t worry, you are not alone on this journey, you’re an inspiration for others on their healing journey too, and I look forward to the day I come on this blog and see a post from you saying that you have had the best day/week/month/year of your life! It will happen one day, you have come too far for it not to happen ?
Stay strong, and sending you best wishes!!
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My precious!
Happy to help!
Loving you, Mario
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You don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t have to apologize for anything. You definitely need to report any threats though. Stay safe and continue to do the things that make you happy and change the things that don’t. Sorry if that sounds like “pat advice” but what else is there to life?
When you’re ready for a change in career, you should consider nursing. Why? I am an abuse survivor myself. Nursing helped to provide stability, direction, and a chance to help others. Now I teach nursing. Many of my best students are survivors as well. And they will be the best nurses! Plus, the death threats will stop….unless you choose to be a mental health nurse like I was for years! But it’s still worth considering. Anyway, have a wonderful new years and a happy 2017.
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